cat power is good, and that’s how i’ll survive ths ordeal.
only people like her, would have written songs good enough for me to feel now.
I hate the facts that we are still weak faggots that wanted to commit suicide due to a relationship trauma.

move away, step back and not the hole of pitched black. You will never ever get to see the light.
red wine with remy martin couldn’t numb the pains, bottles after bottles the pain persist on and killing me from inside.

I really just want to give up, there’s seems to makes no more sense anymore.

how i wish i could just go away, have some surgery to have him remove and live my life.
yes, i am a weakling. and i don’t even know if i should explain now. every move make me feels like i am taking the wrong step, you went further away in to the cave, and day by day i’m locked outside.

I don’t even want to talk about it, don’t even want to write about it, don’t even want to do anything that will make me recall and remember. what if distance go longer, what if u go further and leave all these behind when you’re fine?

then where should i return to? to the cave of harmony and no memories and pain.
it’s too late isn’t it?

so late that things wouldn’t work anymore. i don’t know prolly you told her that i am affecting your life and stressing you out that’s why she wanted me to back off. that’s why you would tear saying it’s too late and she wouldn’t like me at all, and everything is too late for her to like me.

it doesn’t feel good to be disliked, it doesn’t feel good to know that i love you and it doesn’t feel good that all these is going to end.

what am i holding on to now? a great white shark that’s trying it’s best to run away?
SHould i just let you go, so you could be able to do what you want, which is to not look back anymore?

what should i believe now to protect myself? never be afraid and be strong, would it really work out?

you asked if things could work out, would it really?

i don’t believe anymore too..

i don’t even know if i should pass you the letters. I don’t even know if i am too agressive there, and what if that’s a wrong move? what if this or that? god, take me out of this misery.

help me in healing, heal the wounds and the pain, and nourish my life. it’s not just love anymore right?
love is not enough..

i feel so helpless to sit outside the door, i feel so helpless for not being able to share the solutions that i have. i left my place with a smile, crying all the way on my way back. it’s all too late right?

now i doubt the letter would help, it will prolly stress you out more. time… i wish it could pass faster when i sleep and not in 4 hours block that left me helpless in the middle of the night. i don’t want to give in to my emotions and cry anymore. It’s so tiring. it’s so painful, it’s so out of place, mind, and everything else.

i guess and i wish you wouldn’t chance upon this blog. or that would be another wrong move.
i just don’t want things to end.

i don’t dare to say what’s love anymore.
so what if i love you? you prolly would backen away when i say such things now.
friends is what you wanted.
friends we shall be?

or should we go back to being strangers?

if i took a piece of napkin, there will be other 10 more napkins that i’ll be taking.
no more napkins from now. no more tears. sweet dreams, liu peiying.

sleep well, and have a really good rest and sweet dreams.
heal that leg of yours! and dance.

Watched “funny people” yesterday.

I felt emotional, the scene of Adam Sandler’s  love chose the husband instead of him but yet said to adam that she will love him forever.

Yea, tell me that it’s a movie.

I miss the times when I was a little girl, when there’s no definition of love, no boundaries, no expectations no nothing. EVerything is just wishes, dreams and hopes. EVerything seems to be beautiful, wonderful, perfect making you feel like a whole new person.

As we grew older, definition of love started to change, I swear I have my fears, my expectations that give myself up for loving unselfishly and without any restrictions.

Grannie said “I’ll only meet the right one when I am 25, and get married when I am 30″

And yes, I understand how she felt in the movie.

The pain I felt knowing that I’ve love him so much and that I’ve screwed it all.
All i could say to him is that I really love him, but it may seems to be words of irony.
Well, I am scared, I am young, how sure am i of love?

what’s love?

I do not care.
What ever happens, I am not going to give up, not give up like how i did once and screwed it all up.

Have you ever love someone that it hurts your heart so much?
I’m so happy and im glad he is back.

regardless what happens, I know i’ll remember him, and we’ll remember each other.
and he will be the one i love, regardless of what. I wouldn’t ignore.

It’s not easy, to say all these. Because everything is so sincerely close to heart.
But i seriously think I have to note this down. I don’t want to meet a car crash and forget about everything.

browsing through the past entries, I’ve randomluy clicked on a video for a song that i’ve not heard for long.

Playing it, and kaiwen screamed in the bg “EH! WHALIAO I MISS YZ LA!”

gosh. i miss him too.

and what’s more? browsing photos below those entries with him in it, it just kinda feel so sad that everybody graduated and can’t hangout that much anymore. everyone going their separate lives. He just went in army btw, eileen must have gone crazy.

I miss those fun times where his enthusiam came around the modern dancers, and trying to flirt with everyone to make himself popular. WAHA. not that bastard actually he is a nice guy, and I am glad he found eileen.

Best girl too.

If I’ve not dance, rp life wouldn’t be that great as i wouldn’t know eileen tan and get to know the rest of the fun people and of course, love of my life, kaiwen.

Taking part in Tango Project is a crazy idea for me. I’ve been working so hard for everything that i’ve forgotten what’s “pain” when i dance.

Master master and master, my body is wearing out but day by day i am improving and quickly after all this i would have made a tremendous improvements. From single to double to triple turns, from lousy jumps to soaring in the sky i am so gonna do this.

I am going to apply for dance degree. I want to and I am working my life off for it.
You see… Everyone have a dream and my dream is to go out there perform, dance and be the best and greatest.

Ew that’s so corny, i can’t believe i wrote that. But well, that’s passion and enthusiasm while it last.

I am not going to lose this chance, I am gonna push myself further so I can be as good as the Nus dancers, push myself further and be like a 13 years trained ballerina. I do not have the priviledge, that’s why I am going to put in extra work and make 3 years like miracle.

I won’t die on dancing. Never.

and now. i just need rest… my brain is baking after the crazy 5 new sets of choreography for tango project which is in one’s month time. THis week will be tough. practice practice practice.

thursday – muse preview
saturday- nus class and tango blocking

Monday- Marcus class and muse rehearsals

tuesday – Nus rehearsals.

Come on! we can do this!

what if death walks towards you and ask for your hand?
I’ll give it to him.

no. no relationships and affection with death. Neither am i satanic. But maybe that’s how humans behave when they are left with no clue on how to live on and carry on surviving. Maybe that’s what humans would do when they’ve lost their identity.

What would have made you put death as a option to your choices?

What would you do if you already see death as the most positive choice out of all?

tell me. maybe it’s me not able to take stress. tell me that i am dying and i have the courage to do that so i dun have to feel, worry and trouble. Tell me i do not have to take up this responsibilities that i am not responsible for. Prove it to me that it’s that way and i will live without guilt for the rest of my life. tell me …

and you know what? the fucking list will just go forever.

And people would come telling you and asking you what’s wrong, but many do not know that the problems lies with them. And i see no point making other people becoming like this state of mine too.

Yeah. Freak out.

Liu Peiying wants to die.

Howdy, wordpress.

My heart aches and flashes of past delights.

CLose your eyes, I’ll take your hand and walk you back where we’ve met 6 years back.
The field, the teachers screaming, we in our pe attires. Sleepless nights in the hall.
THere goes the camp. Prisoners clothes and ugly neoprints, crappy hair and awesome food.
Scary dogs of yours to i love your dogs.
Piano session at your place, your generous care and concern.

Suddenly, I miss you that much.

How much?

SO BLOODY FUCKING MUCH.

OH MAN!

I dun know what’s this song abt, but the song is just so nice la. Thanks to yangzhao’s old playlist.
Waha.

HAHAHAHHA.

i just can’t stop laughing about that.

u can’t draw sadness well enough, if u ain’t sad.

u can’t laugh if u ain’t happy too.

忘了是怎麼開始　也許就是對你　有一種感覺
忽然間發現自己　已深深愛上你　真的很簡單

愛的地暗天黑都已無所謂　是是非非無法抉擇　喔~~
沒有後悔為愛日夜去跟隨　那個瘋狂的人是我　喔~~

I LOVE U 無法不愛你 BABY 說你也愛我
I LOVE U 永遠不願意 BABY 失去你

不可能更快樂　只要能在一起　做什麼都可以
雖然　世界變個不停　用最真誠的心　讓愛變的簡單

I LOVE U 一直在這裡　BABY　一直在愛你 Oh ya~
I LOVE U　(yes I do)　永遠都不放棄　這愛你的權利
如果你還有一些困惑 Oh No 請貼著我的心傾聽
聽我說著　愛你 (yes I do) 我愛你

愛你的權利…

夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问
只是你现在不得不承认
爱情有时候是一种沈沦
让人失望的虽然是恋情本身
但是不要只是因为你是女人
若爱得深
会不能平衡
为情困
折磨了灵魂
该爱就爱
该恨的就恨
要为自己保留几分
女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂
就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了就要勇敢分
夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问
(music)
若爱得深
会不能平衡
为情困
折磨了灵魂
该爱就爱
该恨的就恨
要为自己保留几分
女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂
就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了就要勇敢分
女人独有的天真
和温柔的天分
要留给真爱你的人
不管未来多苦多难
有他陪你完成
虽然爱是种责任
给要给得完整
有时爱美在无法永恒
爱有多销魂
就有多伤人
你若勇敢爱了就要勇敢分
夜已深
还有什麽人
让你这样醒着数伤痕
为何临睡前会想要留一盏灯
你若不肯说
我就不问

生命的伤痕
苦涩寂寞
最难的是面对内心那个脆弱不安的自己
阿妹和你一起勇敢
黑暗中
寂静伸出的双手
冰冷的空气像火
害怕又收手
路太远
谁的眼神能永远
忘了跟你一起走
怎样才会懂
记忆里
爱应该总是温柔
有了这一切
才能不怕黑夜
是我勇敢太久
决定为你一个人而活
不能说出口
那么折磨
勇敢了太久
城市充满短暂的烟火
无处躲
照亮了沉默
明白是寂寞
爱原来寂寞
谁说过
爱会让人不自由
所以你要我等候
换你的追求
有太多
快乐自私做藉口
你让我最后
把心痛当拥有

SHE IS SUPER CUTE.
“how can you not fall in love with a nonya?”