twirling my hair with my INDEX finger

http://wickeddimples.wordpress.com/2008/10/13/fraction-of-a-pie/

it really sounds promisingly nice to doodle the entire room with you. There’s gonna be many twirls and red tones.

a balcony or a sitting room, with sunlight sneaking to peek onto my book. I am sprawled across the room, i do not see you but I smell you.

it is impossible to capture or even duplicate that exact scent of you. A never-redundant habit , a fistful of affections.

confetti in the air, and in my life. Therefore, a fraction of serendipity I have.

The warmth in the cold air, the breathing tempo and rhythm forms music melodies to my ears
which makes sense to be love tunes in my head.
The condensed air on the windows leaving glismpe of silvery reflection of light in the dark night

i laid down beside you, timeless.
like a universe, cold and dark yet mysteriously beautiful i found you, like the never ending stars, tracking those milky way. I laid my eyes on you.

Embrace.

This moment- my serendipity.

A lost love, a love that’s almost there.
So near yet so far.
the sleepless nights where he’s not there.
You remembered not long ago, exchanging of kisses and tight hugs through the night.
now it’s all lost and left you blind.

Pain there’s not hurtful enough for you to cry, it’s just a sudden lost of happiness.
You feel impulse emotion but you couldn’t express them, it drives you crazy yet you’re not near to own it.

That’s what my new choreo is about. Almost lover by Fine Frenzy, A.

Stay tune. I need 6 to 7 dancers for this, anyone interested?

My short journey of dance, which seems to be forever.
this entry is dedicated to all my dancers, those who’ve left, those who’ve stayed and those who’ve rested.

Many was untold, feelings and emotions were not mentioned. Esp not from me.
I crank jokes everyday, on everyone, and making fun of it.
Poor eileen to be my target everytime. I hope i’ve never hurt anyone and it’s just plainly for fun.

This is hard coming from me, but it’s either now or never. Never would i know if i will ever return to dance, to dance with this group of dancers which left me more than just memories, but lessons of life.

The process keeps going, we recieve a new assignment, we train, we do our best, send our regards to everyone, perform and move on. We look back and laugh. But come to think of it, i’ve already spend 2 and a half years on these little processes.

3 more weeks to muse. 3 more months to graduation.

The last process that i have to go through before my graduation. Sometimes i just wish that muse never come, so i would not stop dancing with this group of silly girls. after muse i guess all the years threes should know that they have 2 months to officially step down from modern dance. WIll our paths ever cross after? We’ll never know, but definitely it’s something im not looking forward to, that is to part these precious dancers.

Never have i mentioned how precious they were. But u guys are.
I told angie once, “have i ever mention how much you guys meant to me?”

u guys are the best thing that’ve ever happen in my life.

Before i dance, i never know what a hug could meant, those people that i’ve made friends with, those moments when we advise each other and laugh at each other, those moments when we eat crazily together, sharing diet tips, showing and comparing how much fats that we have infront of the mirror, all the screaming and rolling on the floor laughing, all the duets i had with rj, jan and monkey, all the takecare notes and speeches, costumes choosing, the back-stage stares and the tired looks. It’s never ending so much to tell so much to share in this what feels to be short 2 and a half years.

Everyday i look forward for dance, regardless how tough the trainings were, i look forward to be in the same studio with these people. I listen to songs, run through the steps in my head, and go for dance. In class i talk abt dance and almost everywhere i talk abt dance. I can’t deny the passion and love i have for dance. And can’t explain how it feels to spend every monday and thrusday together with ppl who have the same passion. When someone is late for dance and who is not there, we always ask, it just seems uneasy to not have them in the studio. We are all concern, but many times we were too busy to voice out.

Many were left unsaid and unexpress. Like the concerns i have for ziying, june, nana, lynn, angie, jan, wing, munirah, yvonne, elle, michelle, melody or even zaini and shah. there were too many to name, and many were forgotten. Reading the entries of these girls made me realise how impt concerning is, every question of “r u okay?” would be nice. I’ve been through it the past week, my worse week, my most jaded moments. Many times breaking down infront of the girls, reading the entries of how much worry they have for me just made me sad. SImply just like love, never would i wan them to worry, but yet they’re so silly to be there for me. And they always will be.

For muse, we’ve strived.
apart from physical pain and tiredness we grew, grew closer as a family.
and definitely harder for us to part.

Toast to muse, the big rp dance production and the year threes official final production.
it’s either now or never that i have to express my love for everyone in modern dance, thank you for the memories, moments, advises, laughters, hugs, kisses, crazy photos and birthdays celebrations.

I love you all deep deep like the ocean and high high like the sky.
Loud loud like yvonne and sweaty sweaty like jan.
Black black like Ranjan and white white like ben.
Ballet ballet like elle and versatile like wing.
tall tall like michelle and short short like eileen.
dirty dirty like our dance studio and big eyeballs like zaini’s.

It hurts to know we’re suffering, it hurts even more to know that you’re suffering alone.
like i said, the love in our family have surpass just friendship.
we’ll be here, you know that. so dun hide it, share it, cry together and let’s smell each other’s sweat.

These 3 months, i want to do nothing, but just dance with this family to my graduation.
if i could make a wish…

lynn and ziying.. please come back..

all of us sharing the same passion wants to do well.
i am stress and tired, my feet hurts and the skins are tearing.
it sores and i just so want to give up, i wanna just hide and cry.
I pray for never ending energy, i hate feeling tired.
I hate to disappoint zaini. Every disappointment from his face just makes me wanna cry.
All of us look so fragile, we’re all breaking, almost breaking yet putting on a smiley front to go through these together.
I hate drilling i hate re-doing. I hate forgetting the blockings.
I hate not being able to perform. I hate the cold water cooler, i hate dancing for four hours without breaks.
I hate the moments when i can’t breathe. I hate the sweat that are all over me.
and i hope doves never cry.
i hate to see my dancers stress out and in pain, i hate to see my dear friends drop out due to injuries.
I hate to see them bearing the pain while doing set, c, a, b, b, a, d, c, b, a, d, d, b, a, c…
i hate the security guards who chased us out.
yet i just can’t get enough of dance.
why?

Do you feel the same like i do?
take care girls. Many love. We’re all in this together.
i know many of you are breaking, we have to be positive.
hang on. till then.

Yea so i’ve heard, alot of people have blogs! haha okay i’m such an ass.
So they were saying how heart warming the entries are, i can’t solely just be a fan of my blog, so i drop by to the dancers blog to take a look.
Many said it brought tears to their eyes, well i laughed at every entry!
okay. not being mean but it’s just the way we complain!
hahah especially elle’s!

okay. yes and indeed i did have tears ALMOST rolled down my eyes. SO being the very competitive me, I MUST WRITE THE MOST HEART WARMING ONE!

WAHA!

it’s 3.34am.

i’m still waiting.
why such pain, such worry.
it makes me think that i’m not good enough.
i’m a pain in the ass.
or i’m not the one.

all i ask for is a sorry.
but it looks like it’s not your fault.
perhaps it’s mine.

let me know why am i so upset.

I hate you. I hate you for me not getting the pity that i wanted, i hate you for me not getting the attention i want. i hate myself, for not being the one understanding, and being strong.

am a girl after all, aren’t i?

Listening to: World’s end girlfriend – Call Past Rain

I’m so tired.
i really wanna end my life.
i’m so tired of worrying. Take my worries away, free them.
let me go.

some illustrations i did during class.

i think taking pills would be the best way to suicide.
overdose of sleeping pills. would be good.
i need the rest too.

ABIGAIL
CHOIR LOGO
WU SHU LOGO
DANCE
FYP MID
FYP
PP
DAMON
SELF-PORTRAIT

peiying, now please stop crying.

please

The night seems so young,
time wasted, crying through the nights
Tears rolled the cheeks like pearls of heartaches
I work i cry i chat.

in the middle of the night, time wasted away.
Coming to my breaking point
But it’s not there yet
This time I don’t feel like pitying myself

I want to get over this sadness
no, not sadness
this mind fuck situations that got me so jaded

I dare not drink
I’m afraid pessimism I fell
I stop hearing myself
but listen to the surrounding

The surrounding that ever seems so lively
became so dark these days
so pressurizing
I felt i’m alone

I know physically i’m not
but these tears are
Everyone is trying to live their life
and so am i

SO AM I

I dun need a break
I had enough
i need time, places to heal myself
I need you to be there, where are you?

Listen to my heart
It’s crying
crying out for help
Help

now…
or it will be too late.
god bless those who try
god bless me who didn’t give up

These crying nights
these tears that’ve fallen on my sheets while i’m working
these swollen eyes and sleepness nights

these feelings

The most attractive man are those who are deeply in love.

I was on the way home, i saw this quarreling couple.

The girl was upset, she started walking away.
Faster she walk, the guy walk slowly behind her, trying to pick up her pace.

Then the guy started running, and grab hold of the girl.

Never once i did see this as a third party. But when i saw it, i realised how attractive are humans when they’re inlove.

The guy was afraid, looking at the girlfriend walking off, something that he do not want, he let down his ego, and ran towards that girl infront of me. How heartwrenching.

you can jolly well ditch the guy if he dun chase after you.
Or you can just break up with the girl that you have no heart to chase after.

Get me?